Tuesday, July 10, 2012

In the beginning

Once upon a time there was a kingdom ruled with the gentle hand of a loving King. He was just, fair, patient and loved his subjects dearly. He placated the common troubles of his people with the wisdom of his years and his experience was not lacking, for the King had spent many months trekking across the continent seeking out diversity and knowledge. Not all the knowledge can be found in a library, the King was fond of saying to his kin with an aged smile. Simply reading will not educate one on the world's difficulties and pleasures. So when his own children became of age to begin learning the skills of ruling a country...
... the King kicked them all out with a bag of Doritos, a jar of pickles and a 1980s edition of Oxford's English-to-Spanish Dictionary and slammed the kingdom gates in their faces. 

This first blog, for anyone who cares to read anything I manage to churn out, is a teaser trailer for my personality: sweet, giving, considerate... as well as undermining, snarky and blunt. I'll try to keep my insanity in check but I cannot promise anything. At least I have the chance to edit before I post it. Else I might be in real trouble. REeeeeeal Trouble. Trouble that starts with a "T" that rhymes with "P" that stands for POOL! Or polio. Really, the choice is yours.

So I suppose I should have a point with this project. There are already so many blogs on the internet, some that are neat, some that are pretty, some that are helpful, and a whole lot that aren't any of the productive adjectives I just listed. In fact, some are downright rude, crude, disgusting, pathetic, incoherent and blasphemous! But I digress. 
I suppose, if I must, that my personal goal for this is to express the multiple ways one can use words to write. 

Well, it doesn't sound that impressive when I type it with a bunch of white space in the background. And it certainly doesn't sound impressive when I say it in my head. And I certainly sound crazy as I try to say it aloud. But this is a general goal that I feel like I can handle.I'm good at making micro-managing lists, I'm terrific at coming up with ideas for projects and intros and essays but when it comes down the act of delivering on said theories... I often balk. I fall back, retreat, retract my previous statement on the grounds of unstable brainwaves. And really, even I haven't experienced the many ways of writing. 
Sure, I've tried my hand at fiction and poetry and sci-fi -who hasn't- but there's a reason why there are only a handful of celebrated authors: the rest of us suck. And sure, I went to college and obtained a Professional Writing degree. I feel that, although I was educated to the best of my abilities at the extent of my teacher's resources, my learning was stunted by the fact that "to write" covers a plethora of possibilities that no one person can cover. And even as I nod and agree with myself that this is a EXCELLENT idea... I can already tell I'll manage to find reasons to escape it. Frankly, I don't enjoy scientific research or fashion reporting and I get no joy out of reading/writing a script for a play or film. So, in short, I will reset my goal to something simple.

I promise, with or without my sardonic humor, to put forth samples of my style of writing and show how the topic, mood, intensity and location can affect my own ability to write. This might actually be a good exercise for anyone who has an interest in writing. I hate it when teachers hand out those "How to write" books that are full of pg. 4.2.12 exercise B scenarios. Those are so stale and stagnant you might as well be swimming through a southern bayou in the heat of August. So... 

Shall we do this again tomorrow?

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